Monday, January 13, 2003

AN OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE

Many people have compared the Catholic Church to the Mafia because they say once you're in, you can never leave. Now, we all know that isn't true! Right?

Ok, there are a few rules of etiquette that you must follow in the Catholic Church that seem to be very similar to the Mafioso rules of etiquette. Tell me what you think...


MAFIOSO ETIQUETT
  1. Never look at the wives of friends.

  2. Never be seen with cops.

  3. Don’t go to pubs and clubs.

  4. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty - even if your wife’s about to give birth.

  5. Appointments must absolutely be respected.

  6. Wives must be treated with respect.

  7. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.

  8. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.

  9. People who can’t be part of Cosa Nostra: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn’t hold to moral values.

CATHOLIC CHURCH ETIQUETT
  1. Never look at the wives of friends.

  2. Never be seen with cops.

  3. Don't go to clubs and pubs.

  4. Always being available for the Knights of Columbus, it's a duty - even if your wife’s about to give birth.

  5. Appointments with the Pastor must absolutely be respected.

  6. Husbands must be treated with respect.

  7. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.

  8. Money can never be appropriated if it belongs to others in your family, i.e. don't steal change from your kids piggy bank to put in the collection basket. The Church will accept checks or money orders.

  9. People who can’t be part of Knights of Columbus: women or anyone who behaves badly and doesn’t hold to moral values.


I'm sorry, this is all I have for you today. I have to leave town on some family business (real family, not mafioso) on this Wednesday (April 30) and should be returning (hopefully) on the following Wednesday (May 7th). On Tuesday I can only come around intermittently because I have a lot of errands to run before I leave.

If any of you are into praying...pray that I am invisible to all traffic radar cops, and that I may be blessed with the patience of a saint while driving through Indiana rush hour traffic.


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10 comments:

two crows said...

hey, Mary Ellen--
the mafia isn't REAL family? I'm sure they'll be sorry to hear that. maybe sorry enough to kneecap somebody.

I'd watch out for people with crowbars, if I were you! :)

FranIAm said...

As a Catholic and as an Italian-American, oh boy do I appreciate this.

Safe travels.

an average patriot said...

That's funny to see it like that but it is true! I have been a Catholic all my life except a stint as a Baptized Mormon or so I thought. When I got out of the service I told the Priest what I did and wondered what I had to do to rejoin the Church and he said you are still a Catholic. Once you're Baptized that's it. You can't be in Baptized!

two crows said...

I dunno if Mary Ellen will find time to get back here before she leaves or not[ in fact, she may have left already] so I'll answer these in her stead:

so, hey fran
are the similarities really that striking? if so, I wonder--which is chicken and which is egg??? :)

hi, AAP--
gee -- it looks like you're not afraid of commitment. these seem to be 2 wholly separate entities that, 'once you're in, you're in' would be the watchword for both!

The Future Was Yesterday said...

" that I may be blessed with the patience of a saint while driving through Indiana rush hour traffic. "
Nothin to it, kid! Put the bible on the dash, keep one arm out the window at all times and one finger straight in the air. Steer and honk with the other arm and you'll be free of that God forsaken state in no time...(:

Mary Ellen said...

Hi two crows---Sorry I didn't get here to comment sooner, I've been trying to tie up some loose ends at home before I leave tomorrow. I still haven't packed, that's next on my list after this comment.

FranIAM- Quite a similarity,eh? I always crack up when I watch movies about the mob and they're all religious and then go out and pump some lead into their own brothers.

Mary Ellen said...

an average patriot- When my daughter got married, her husband was a Methodist and although he didn't practice his faith, his parents did and they did not like him marrying a Catholic. They were married in the Catholic Church (her husband didn't care one way or the other), but just to please his parents, in lieu of a Mass, they just had a "service" and had the pastor from his Methodist Church (which happened to be next door to our church) participate in the ceremony. However, it was the Priest from our Church that performed the vows.

Then, after they had their baby, my daughter's in-laws insisted that the child be baptized in the Methodist Church. Our pastor said it didn't matter which church she was baptized, as long as it was Christian. My granddaughter could still be raised Catholic and make the rest of her Sacraments, and not be "re-baptized" in our church.

Watching his family during that wedding in the Catholic Church was kind of funny...they all looked as if they were attending a pagan sacrifice of a goat or something. There were even a few gasps when the cantor sang the "Ave Maria" and my daughter put roses at the feet of the statue of Mary. One member of their family filmed the wedding ceremony and he actually turned off the camera and refused to film that part.

Mauigirl said...

Best wishes for your trip, Mary Ellen. Be safe.

Dave Dubya said...

Unlike the crime cartel in the White House, at least there is some semblance of honor in the Mafia.

Those thugs at 1600 Penn. Ave. consider wives "fair game". Ask Mrs. Wilson.

And the Cosa Nostra are rank amateurs when you compare the numbers of vicims. I can't think of any mob that has killed hundreds of thousands of innocent people.

It is a peculiar thing that both groups try to be seen as either "good Catholics" or "born again Christians".

Gotta keep up appearances.

Those folks remind me of a Frank Zappa tune called, "Jesus Thinks You're a Jerk".

two crows said...

hey all--
just to let you know.
Mary Ellen made it safely to GA.

I'll keep you posted as I know more.
and, thanks to all of you for your warm wishes and prayers/white light for her and her family.